Hey readers! I know some, if not all parents have experienced a moment where their child stops communicating or their behavior changes. Even if it was only for 5 minutes, you would be able to notice that something is off with them and if you don't, try to observe them during those moments.
Below, I am letting you guys in on the time I noticed a behavioral change in my son, and I got him comfortable enough to express himself.
One day, my son and I were heading to his football game. He's 8 years old at this time, I noticed he wasn't as chatty as he usually would be before his games. Gazing out of the window for a moment, he turned and looked at me-- in that instance, I felt he must've been in a deep thought, or something was truly bothering him. With concern, I asked what was on his mind, and he brushed it off of course. Without turning a blind eye, I assured him that whatever was bothering him I was open to listen and understand it. With a little hesitation, he began to express how much he missed his dad and how he doesn't come to his games.
His father and I split when he was one years old, we remained in Mississippi and his father relocated to Texas. As a consequence, he never had the opportunity to experience the dynamics of a two-parent household.
Not having his father present at his games, school functions, birthday parties, also holidays were weighing heavily on his mind and heart. He began to feel neglected, even considered his father and I get back together, but that chapter was closed for me. I expressed to my sweet baby, how I understood the importance of having his father there during those essential moments. I also explained how some people tend to grow apart as well and regardless of the physical absence, his father was extremely proud of him and loved him so much.
Although, I couldn't give him what he truly wanted, he was relieved to express what didn't sit well with him and to my surprise his mood started shift a little. As we were pulling into the entrance of his game, I told him we could send a video recording to his father, that way, he could see how great it went-- his smile was so big it melted my heart.
Now, he's eleven years old, after focusing on basketball the past few years he is back playing football. Recently, he had his first football game, and his dad was in town. After 3 years, my son was able to have his father on the sidelines rooting for him while almost shedding tears. That moment for us was everything, there isn't enough words to describe the emotions we all felt that day. Even though they did not win the game, he received something so much greater.
Today, my son and I's communication has blossomed into something questionable yet amazing over the years ha-ha. He's comfortable telling me about his crushes, "girlfriends", friends, and about myself at times-- which I feel is a bit extreme but hey, I've always told him to express how he felt with his chest out.
Kevin Hart's (Seriously funny iconic skit 2010) is a great example of explaining what I meant by that ha-ha.
REASONS WHY CHILDREN DO NOT COMMUNICATE TO PARENTS.
Feeling like the parent won't understand.
Fear of being judged by parent.
Not sure how the parent will respond.
Do not know how to verbally communicate.
Uncomfortable expressing themselves to parents.
HOW TO GET YOUR CHILDREN COMFORTABLE TO COMMUNICATE.
Tell them a few experiences you encountered as a child or young adult.
Do not gossip to family/friends/coworkers about the things your child shared with you in confidence.
LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN. (Most important)
Do not judge them.
Remain calm and observant.
Do not immediately jump to conclusions, let them fully express their feelings/concerns/issues.
Scene from Matilda (1988)
Do not be a Mr. Wormwood.
As parents, we sometimes get caught up in our thoughts and issues we don't always notice when our children have underlying pain/issues going on. Learn their patterns, facial expressions, behavior, and body language. Always reassure them that no matter what-- you are always there to listen, understand, and help them through it all.
Thank you for reading! Leave a comment and tell me ways you get your children to communicate with you. I would love to hear it. :)
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