According to the Daily Mail, around 60 percent of people stay in bad relationships they do not find fulfilling at all.
Sadly, unhealthy or abusive relationships are very common and somewhat glorified in society today. We've seen it all over social media with "Thotiana" American rapper Blueface and "Baddies" reality star Chrisean "Rock" Malone, fans got a kick out of seeing them being physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive to each other.
Personally, it is disturbing to see a woman go through all of that. Witnessing her not have the mental capability to see the damage it is causing, and she not leave. I used to be that young woman, and I am here to tell you-- get out of it now.
In 2015, I got into a relationship with a man I was made to believe had changed from the wild boy he used to be when we teenagers-- into a man who knew what he wanted. The way he talked about the things he was striving to accomplish, the way he showed compassion when I was having bad days, and the reassurance he gave me about my insecurities-- you couldn't tell me this man didn't see anyone else but me.
He began to show his real character when he moved into my 2-bedroom apartment I shared with my 3-year-old son at the time. The idea of having a happy home and building towards the life he promised me had quickly started to deteriorate before my eyes, but I had faith we were going to get past it, and I chose to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I am a woman that understand everyone isn't perfect, but in this relationship, I was just being delusional. I clanged onto his apologizes and promises to never do it again; at the time, I truly believed everything he did was not intentional, and they were "in the heat of the moment" mistakes.
To get an insight, here are a FEW of my toxic occurrences in that relationship:
1.) There were times I had to hide my car keys so he wouldn't leave me home all day while he stayed out.
2.) Had every flat screen TV and decor in my home smashed when he would lose his temper.
3.) Had to spend many of days fighting for hours because I did or didn't do something.
4.) Had damages to appliances or walls EVERYWHERE we lived.
5.) Kicked the paint off my brand-new car and broke the GPS screen.
6.) Was hit on the side of my face with my phone while sleeping and had to go the hospital due to hearing loss immediately after the blow. "I can currently hear now, by the grace of God".
I could literally go on and on because there is definitely a lot more... no lies!
Sadly, after all of that, I stayed with that man. Absolutely delusional, right? I tried time after time to stick by him, talk to him on a deep level, showed him everything that I can be and who I was. After all of that, I was still told on multiple occasions I was useless, lazy, a bum, and was called every name in the book except the child of God when he would get mad at me about something.
I had exhausted everything to prove I was there for him, but in return I completely lost my identity. I gave so much to the relationship I didn't have anything to give myself. I became obsessed with the idea of making everything right, although there were a lot of bad, there was good about him too.
For instance, he was a romantic, he decorated rooms for birthdays or special occasions, gave nice gifts, and would make dinner reservations on those occasions; he was also very sexual, ambitious, helped anyone who needed him, cherished friendships and family, and was very affectionate. He would compliment me a lot on my appearance or when I dressed up, embraced my 'mom bod' when I was ashamed of it, and accepting my son as his own.
Those characteristics had my heart and my mind in constant battle on whether to ride it out or run away, but I felt I was too invested to leave. I went through too much and I didn't go through all of that for nothing is what I would tell myself; it was like I gave that man my soul and he never even asked for it. I had family sticking up for me when things went bad, but I would go against them to protect him. Family and friends got tired of hearing me talk about leaving and/or crying for help just to turnaround and be under him the same night.
I had moments where I had washed my hands with him and tried moving on with my life; he would harass me every single day: calling/coming to my workplace, blowing up my phone, pulling up to my home and sometimes things would turn violent when I didn't give him attention, so I became terrified of him after a while. I never showed it, nor did I ever tell him. Mentally, I was tired of fighting and was exhausted with arguing, I began to make myself believe the only way to have peace was to go with what he wanted. Don't get me wrong, I fought back and had my share of words for him as well, but who want to live like that almost every day.
It took me awhile, but I am no longer in that relationship. I went on a journey of self-discovery, forgiveness, and self-love, walking away with no guilt was the best thing I did for myself. I had found my true voice and self-worth again.
It is not worth the toll it puts on your mental and physical health. If you are in a toxic relationship, get out if you can, it is extremely unhealthy. I dealt with toxic behavior so long, I haven't talked to a man, been intimate with a man, or showed any interests in over a year now because of my experiences. You begin to question every man's intention and assume they are trying to sweet talk you into the devil's den. Trust me, I know.
If you can leave, leave. If you are single and mingling, please notice the red flags and take them seriously-- you may just save yourself from a toxic situation, that could potentially turn into something irreversible.
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