You know, most of us believe we are NEVER the problem in failed romantic relationships or platonic relationships. Why is that? and how do you know for sure?
Often times, we think as long as we don't cheat or say disrespectful things to our partners or friends, we are doing everything right. In reality, that is only a tiny fraction of the many things that maintains a healthy and happy relationship.
Nowadays, it's deeper than not entertaining another person or being verbally abusive; even though those things are very essential in a relationship- it's not the only 2 things that will cause a failed relationship.
13 QUESTIONS ON WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE THE PROBLEM
Ask yourself these questions and if your answer is NO, then you may be the problem and causing a shift within your relationships:
Have you asked your partner/friend how was their day recently?
While your friend/partner are expressing themselves to you, do you listen and engage in the conversation?
Have you and your partner had a date night recently?
Do you compliment your partner/friend on their appearance frequently?
Do you ask your partner/friend what's on their mind when they are distant or even during a social setting?
Are you showing up for special occasions?
Are you and your partner catering/being intimate to each other often? Ex. running bath, cooking dinner, massaging each other, cuddling, buying gifts just because (small or big), etc.
When your partner/friend is upset, do you acknowledge their feelings and be considerate, or do you become enraged?
Are you showing your vulnerability within the relationship?
Are you gentle and understanding?
Are you communicating with your partner often?
Can you see yourself with your man/woman for the rest of your life? (I only ask this question because if you cannot, then you will become unfaithful to your partner at some point in time. There will always be something new you will like and want, which means you will cause distrust, heartbreak, and maybe even self-esteem issues.)
Do you apologize when you are in the wrong?
RECENT STUDIES
"According to Dr. Jessica Griffith and Dr. Pepper Schwartz of CNBC, the No.1 thing that "destroys" relationships is poor communication. "
Although we have heard that more than a few times, it is still very true. Without communication, the relationship will become stagnant and pointless. If not one, both parties will become uninterested or not fulfilled and soon the relationship will end.
"According to psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, he wrote a book called, "What Predicts Divorce?" where he identifies four of the problematic types of communication in relationships, based on his studies of 40,000 people":
Contempt: Expressing a lack of respect for our partners (e.g., name-calling, eye-rolling, ridiculing).
Criticism: Attacking a partner’s character.
Defensiveness: Protecting from criticism by using excuses or shifting blame.
Stonewalling: Withdrawing from communication by ignoring, zoning out or acting busy.
Of these four, Gottman stated the biggest predictor was "Contempt".
WHAT IS CONTEMPT?
Contempt is more than criticism or saying something negative. It’s when one partner asserts that they are smarter, have better morals, or are simply a better human being than the other.
The partner on the receiving end feels unworthy and unloved.
For example, continually interrupting the other person is disrespectful. But it turns into contempt when the interruption is not an overeager desire to talk, but rather a statement that the partner has nothing interesting or important to say.
It could be as obvious as a spouse saying, “Oh, he’s not worth listening to. He couldn’t tell a story to save his life.” according to experts Dr. Jessica Griffith and Dr. Pepper Schwartz of CNBC.
Relationships can be hard at times, but we have to remind ourselves we are not in them alone. The mental state and heart of another person is at stake when we are not communicating with them, showing compassion, being understanding, being honest and respectful, and being gentle.
Did you determine if you were the problem or not? Let me know in the comments! :)
Commentaires